there’s a street that sometimes I wander
just to see if your light is still on
even though I know you don’t live there
I can’t help but walk by and wonder

like some ghost in a dream
with the dew on my feet
I don’t remember walking
but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t free

the moonlight fractures the trees
shadows become shadows
like all thats underneath
you can’t see unless you close your eyes

there’s a different kind of darkness
one that I don’t remember
but Ive never been too proud
to stand alone and give her what she needs

you can make a fool of me
I’ve fallen for lesser things
but a heart like this doesn’t break
..it sings

trees line up and blur
like dreams after they occur
the car was a rental
I took highway one to Big Sur

I was free
but damn I felt lost
I was free
damn the cost

the coastline was beautiful
as it rose from the water
like shadows being thrown
only to run and break like waves

I was changing
it would never be the same
I can’t say why
I figured it’d end up this way

surrendering to the collapse of
staining the windows of
I missed the good because
my eyes no longer able to fight the tears

I miss someone
surely it can’t be you
maybe I miss something
maybe its the truth

I wanted this
but not this way
thats how it gets confused
you question love and love walks away

who am I to judge
even the falsest hearts beat
I walked through the woods
just to get to the beach

as my feet sunk into the sand
the Pacific ocean before me
the feeling of failure made me feel new
at that moment I realized I knew more about love by losing you

along the halls of my memory
there doesn’t appear to be anything above or below me
just rooms out of sequence
somehow my mind has made up the difference

a ballroom made for waltzing
is vast, grand and empty
kind of like lovers that never were your own
it’s beautiful but only because you can’t dance

mansions of failed companions
southern fields surround me
but now that you found me
I don’t think anyone has known me the way you do

to be adored by love
to be freed by love
to be bored by love
to be forgotten by love
to be crushed by love
to be denied by love
to be mystified by love

we sat there in that empty park
alone, with passerby’s and stray dogs
the conversation was pure as the dark
on an abandoned stage we unloaded
I felt naked but I didn’t feel alone

I was telling stories about people I knew
I didn’t want you to leave so I made you laugh
it was all true
I got that from my father
you can fact check
please don’t misconstrue
the art bullshit has nothing to do with the truth

I know what it is
I know what happens
but what is it called?
I can take anything
and hold it in these arms
it’s easier to laugh about it
but I was born with scars

I could hear the people in the bar
the noise spilling out into the street
by the time it got to the park
it was all white noise
as we talked about things we couldn’t change
and the lovers we embraced
we both agreed we were better off

autumn was lingering and you got close
it had been a while but our hands held on
we had said too much
maybe not enough
no lines were crossed
your shoes wouldn’t stay tied
and as the streetlights kept time
I was hoping we’d get lost again

oh troubled heart,
why have you taken me back?
Oh troubled mind,
don’t you know I’m not that strong?

all the burn outs, loveless hearts and losers
that occupy my mind
must find some comfort
like crippled soldiers waltzing out of time

I can’t breath when you’re here
but I can’t sleep without you near
I wish I knew or do I?
loaded questions escape like balloons in children’s hands

I remember the way you left
and I remember when we met
You couldn’t look me in the face
why would I expect it to be any different

“all the foolish hearts wait,” I whisper
I just stare at the door
like Im looking you in the face
I guess I just want you to come home

from independence day to this
I feel like I loved a stranger
love has a way of moving on
& making you feel insignificant

Oh troubled heart
what have you done?
Oh troubled mind
you were so young..

But Id do it all again
and love as it is in life
can only be measured by such
if you know that you wouldn’t do it any different

I have dreams where you won’t take me back
I have dreams of places I go everyday
I imagine everything the way it is
but why am I dreaming of things that I know exist?

even in reverie I’m resigned to defeat
my heart can’t lie to me or anything
I don’t even get a hollywood ending in my sleep
but its independence day to this that lets me know I’m alive

doubt is hollow
fear is consuming
love answers to no one
the sun, the brightest light
casts shadows

i’ve seen you
quoting singers
i’ve heard you
escaping with your eyes
loneliness ain’t alone,

tears would run
and break on her cheek
not afraid to feel
afraid to speak
she knew I was stuck

i can write it
but I can’t fight it
i can make you happy
but I can’t have you
the divide is there

i had no choice
i wasn’t even invited
you left me standing
i can’t help but be inspired
it feels good to walk alone

My dad was a complicated man. He was brilliant, lost, a terrible father, the worlds greatest rock fan, abusive to women, could light up a room, an addict, he could be disarmingly sweet, a coward and an amazing writer. He was painfully human. He would not want me to tell you any different. In a lot of ways I never knew my dad. I heard stories from his friends or relatives about how he was before he went to jail.

I haven’t spoken to him in years, and I haven’t seen him since a couple days before I turned 15. I wasn’t strong enough to love him, and deal with his demons. I know now he isn’t hurting. He’s no longer running from his demons. They may have chased him to his grave, but his fight is done.

I never thought I’d be sad or hurt. I had built up walls so high and so dense, I really didn’t know how I felt about my father. I always knew it would end like this.. I just thought we would have reconciled before it happened. I thought we would have had peace. I thought we would have forgiven each other. That day never came.

Death is the great equalizer. From the time I found out he was sick until he passed, it was only two days. I haven’t been able to think of any of his faults or bad things he did. Not because they didn’t hurt, but because my love was simple. He was my dad. My walls no longer standing. The feelings I had been hiding were my good memories and my love. The things I couldn’t have for me to be able to move on without him. The walls fell, and it was like I was looking at myself as a child. Standing, waiting for him.

That’s the hard part. What I had been hiding was the fact I loved him very much. My love for him is simple, our relationship never was.. In time I will have to forgive him. Not for him, but for me. He didn’t deserve that forgiveness, but I did. I am his son, but his demons were his own. So were his faults. I just wish I could have told him that when he was alive. That I loved him. That I loved him in spite of himself.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” -Joseph Campbell I realized today that somehow I had become numb. In the last 18 months my world has completely changed. For the better I might add. But I confused growing up with growing old. I realized that I [...]

there’s a storm in my mind
and the clouds won’t break
i’ve been fighting every emotion
and all that you took away
you decided you were done
but you didn’t do it to my face
society moves on,
but love finds the fire escape

i use to feel lonely
now I just feel gone
nothing better than love
but love ain’t that strong
listening to centro-matic
trying to tune you out
i use to dream of you
but that was then and this is now

you left me
you don’t have to burn the house down
i’ll walk away
no reason to make sure I’m on the ground
the guilt you feel
will eat you alive but you don’t see that now
i’m moving on
to see if happiness is out there to be found

12 years and a baby boy
hard to hate momma cause he’s my joy
she wants to go out on a Friday night
she don’t feel sexy being home all the time
she lost the second baby
and she was never the same
thought it would be better
to run from her pain

there are no winners
only lines in the sand
running from me
but you don’t understand
it’s you that was broken
i’m here with an empty hand

everybody takes sides
like it was all for show
everyone needs a villain
or a clown for the rodeo

you left me
you don’t have to burn the house down
i’ll walk away
no reason to make sure I’m on the ground
the guilt you feel
will eat you alive but you don’t see that now
i’m moving on
to see if happiness is out there to be found