A Heart Like Thisthere’s a street that sometimes I wander like some ghost in a dream the moonlight fractures the trees there’s a different kind of darkness you can make a fool of me
forgotten (the letter that got lost at the funeral)trees line up and blur I was free the coastline was beautiful I was changing surrendering to the collapse of I miss someone I wanted this who am I to judge as my feet sunk into the sand Two Days Shyalong the halls of my memory a ballroom made for waltzing mansions of failed companions
lost againwe sat there in that empty park I was telling stories about people I knew I know what it is I could hear the people in the bar autumn was lingering and you got close Independence Day To This..oh troubled heart, all the burn outs, loveless hearts and losers I can’t breath when you’re here I remember the way you left “all the foolish hearts wait,” I whisper from independence day to this Oh troubled heart But Id do it all again I have dreams where you won’t take me back even in reverie I’m resigned to defeat The Dividedoubt is hollow i’ve seen you tears would run i can write it i had no choice for you, for meMy dad was a complicated man. He was brilliant, lost, a terrible father, the worlds greatest rock fan, abusive to women, could light up a room, an addict, he could be disarmingly sweet, a coward and an amazing writer. He was painfully human. He would not want me to tell you any different. In a lot of ways I never knew my dad. I heard stories from his friends or relatives about how he was before he went to jail. I haven’t spoken to him in years, and I haven’t seen him since a couple days before I turned 15. I wasn’t strong enough to love him, and deal with his demons. I know now he isn’t hurting. He’s no longer running from his demons. They may have chased him to his grave, but his fight is done. I never thought I’d be sad or hurt. I had built up walls so high and so dense, I really didn’t know how I felt about my father. I always knew it would end like this.. I just thought we would have reconciled before it happened. I thought we would have had peace. I thought we would have forgiven each other. That day never came. Death is the great equalizer. From the time I found out he was sick until he passed, it was only two days. I haven’t been able to think of any of his faults or bad things he did. Not because they didn’t hurt, but because my love was simple. He was my dad. My walls no longer standing. The feelings I had been hiding were my good memories and my love. The things I couldn’t have for me to be able to move on without him. The walls fell, and it was like I was looking at myself as a child. Standing, waiting for him. That’s the hard part. What I had been hiding was the fact I loved him very much. My love for him is simple, our relationship never was.. In time I will have to forgive him. Not for him, but for me. He didn’t deserve that forgiveness, but I did. I am his son, but his demons were his own. So were his faults. I just wish I could have told him that when he was alive. That I loved him. That I loved him in spite of himself. redirecting my sails and following my bliss
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” -Joseph Campbell I realized today that somehow I had become numb. In the last 18 months my world has completely changed. For the better I might add. But I confused growing up with growing old. I realized that I [...]
sinkin shipsthere’s a storm in my mind i use to feel lonely you left me 12 years and a baby boy there are no winners everybody takes sides you left me |
